Let. It. Go. week 4

"Changing our circumstances rarely changes us.  What transforms our outlook and us is an attitude shift.  It's God's job to determine our circumstances.  It's our job to cooperate with him in the midst of them, adjusting and realigning our attitudes with the truth of Scripture."

I spent years trying to change the circumstances to make me happy.  I had a bad home life growing up, so I got out as soon as I could.  I still wasn't happy.  I was lonely so I started dating early, that didn't make me happy.  My first relationship was rocky, so I got pregnant (not on purpose, but we weren't trying to prevent it either).  That didn't help anything. Changing circumstances won't change us, and I was what needed to change.  I couldn't find happiness because I was looking to the world to make me happy, when only God could fill that hole in my heart.   I had to shift my attitude.

The issues in my life were orchestrated to show me that He was the key to heart.  Once I accepted that and began to cooperate with Him, I found happiness.  But I still have to remember Scriptural truths.  My flesh is weak and more often than I like it wants to revert back to the person who blames everything around her for how she feels rather than dig deep into God's truths and look to Him for my joy.  This is why it is so important for us to stay grounded in His word.

Karen made an analogy in a past chapter using sweet tea.  What comes out of our cup is what we put into our cup.  Put in some sweet, refreshing tea and that is what comes out when life gets jostled.  Put in some bitter coffee and let it sit and grow cold and that is what comes out when life is jostled.  Sweet readers, God's word is our sweet tea!  You quite often can't change your circumstances, but you can change what gets jostled out of you by changing what you put in.  When we consciously choose to put in God's sweet words we begin to push out the old bitter coffee that had been in there previously, things like anger, resentment, unforgiveness, foul language, gossip, etc.  Instead we are filling it with the fruits of the spirit (flavored tea anyone?) love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control.

So to this end I am going to be bringing back my weekly Scripture cards. I pray that they bless you and will help you to fill up on some sweet tea.  But don't stop there, even sweet tea will go bad if you leave it sit untouched for to long!

Until next time,


This post was written as a response to Melissa Taylor's Online Bible Study of Karen Ehman's book Let. It. Go.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.

Let. it. go. week 3

"overall, don't beat yourself up over their bad choices.  They aren't your fault.  Yes, equip them as best you can, but don't glean your identity from their decisions.  It's God's job to be their God and your job to be their mom."

I needed this this week.  It has been a very difficult week.  I found out that my 17 year old (who was an honor roll student when she lived with my husband and I) currently has a 1.28 GPA and may not graduate high school.  I have court on Friday with my son.  He had seen what appeared to be an interior light on in a neighbor's car.  Without thinking he opened the door and went to turn the light off for them rather than knocking on their door and telling them.  Naturally the owner thought the worst, called the police and he has been charged with tampering.  (Nothing was stolen or damaged obviously).  My 13 year old has been making some poor choices at home.  While shopping with my 4 year old last week she picked up a small toy and hid it in her pocket.  The look the cashier gave me when I returned to the store and made my 4 year old tell her what she had done (through the tears), pay for the item with her own money and then throw away the item made me feel like the winner of the worst mom of the year award.

To read the above paragraph, maybe I should be giving my acceptance speech.  But that paragraph doesn't really tell you about my kids.....or about me as a mom.  My 17 year old is a sweet, smart girl in a situation where she has no boundaries and the expectations of those around her are significantly lower than those my husband and I had for her.  As a result she has acted as most teens would.  Now that it is coming down to the wire she is realizing that maybe we weren't as crazy as she thought and she is trying to repair the damage.  

My 15 year old has a HUGE heart for people.  He often tries to secretly make others feel special.  He's a class clown/cut up and is very emotional.  He doesn't always think before he acts, but his actions are never done with a malicious intention.

My 13 year old is the gal who cries with you, laughs with you, and wears her emotions on her sleeve.  She is at that awkward age where she is trying to figure out who she is on her own.  Peer pressure is getting to her, causing her to not always make the best of choices, but when she realizes it she is genuinely saddened.  She is quick to try and encourage others and often gives of herself emotionally until she is drained.

And my 4 year old is a great kid too.  She is always jumping in to help, always telling everyone in the family how much she loves them, a ray of sunshine and happiness.

I really have been blessed with some pretty awesome kids.  And they all have an understanding of who God is, how much He loves them, and what He expects of them.  Two of them have given their lives to Him.

Raising kids is like writing a novel.  I have to remind myself that we aren't at the end of the book yet.  The characters have to go through some difficulties early on to prepare them for the climax.  I can give them the tools to navigate with.  I can choose to write a story for them in which they never face hardship but when the climax comes they won't be able to overcome it.  1 Peter 1:7 reminds us that trials are a test of our faith.  As a momma who wants to protect her kids from all things hard (even those things brought on as a result of their own choices and actions) I need to remind myself what Paul tells us in Romans 5.  Suffering leads to perseverance (a trait I definitely want my kids to have).  Perseverance leads to character (another quality I want my kids to have). Character leads to hope, which Strong's Concordance says is a "joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation".  I totally want that for my kids!

By only looking at that single page in the novel in which the characters are being developed we don't see the big picture.  As a parent, only focusing on the times our kids don't make the best choices doesn't allow us to see the big picture either.  These times will help our kids become the men and women God wants them to be.  We need to help them see the lessons in the process.  We also need to help them to see it is a process.  This moment doesn't define them any more than it defines us.  My kids are good kids that have made a bad choice.  I am not a bad mom because they made a bad choice.  (If so then MY mom would be the one passing the bad mom of the year award down to me!)

So momma's, hang in there.  Keep praying, keep loving, keep being there for your kids.  Help them to see the lessons in the consequences, but don't take away the consequences.  That robs them of the lessons.  You're doing just fine!


Until next time,

Let It Go week 2

How neat is it that this week in the Let. It. Go.  study with Melissa Taylor we are reading about Managing Your Man!

I have been blessed with 6 wonderful years of marriage to a man who is my best friend.  Sounds great doesn't it?  Problem is that I have been married for 16 years!

Mr. Sunflowers and I met when neither of us were Christians.  We worked together and a year after our first date we married.  It was a rocky start with both of us trying to be the boss and neither of us willing to compromise - on anything.  We both worked and kept separate bank accounts.  The bills were split in half, he had his truck, I had my car and we might as well have been room mates.  We fought and argued a LOT as you can imagine.  The fact that I had a child from a previous relationship meant that he had a ready made family and we to this day have no idea what it is for it to be just the two of us.  (My daughter was 8 months old when my husband and I began our relationship.)

I must admit, I had issues with submission, both before I came to know Jesus and after.  What a nasty word I thought that was.  Why should I be this meek little gal who gave in to everything my hubby wanted?

There are two problems with that.  First, as a Christian, I am not to submit to my husband because of my husband.  Col. 3:17 tells us that whatever we do, in word or in deed, we do for Jesus.  Not only do we do it, but we give thanks to God while we do it.  You see, we are submitting to our husbands because they are so totally awesome (even if they are so totally awesome!) but because we are told to (Col. 3:18) by God and when we obey we are honoring Him.

Second, submission isn't weak!  Not by a long shot.  Sometimes it takes a lot me to bite your tongue and obey than it does to throw a little hissy fit and go your own way.  Anyone can do their own thing and it doesn't really take a lot of strength to thumb your nose at someone and say, "No way Jose!".  When our Bible says the wife is to submit what it means it to put ourselves under.  It is a choice, an action, and expression of will. Is your husband always going to be right?  Probably not.  Is his way always going to be better than yours?  Again I have to say probably not.  But here is the reality - someone has to be in charge and God said that isn't you.  And do you know what?  I am glad it isn't!

He may get the final say, but he also gets the responsibility that goes with being the one in charge.  He is accountable for what happens in the family.  He is charged with being the example of Christ.  That alone makes me content to let him be in charge!

So what does Karen have to say about this?  She has 5 key points to remember:
1) Realize that the act of submitting is always a choice and action of the wife.  LOVE this!  He can't make you, you have to want to!

2)  Know that backing off and not controlling your husband will feel very foreign.  We are advisers to our husbands.  We should still be contributing to the decision making process but we need to remember that the final decision is his to make.

3)  Recognize the subtle difference between manipulation and influence.  Okay, still trying to find the line on this one.  I think it goes to intent.  If the information we are offering for our husband's consideration is truly just information and not us trying to stack the deck then it is influence.  If we are stacking the deck to get our own way then that is manipulation.  Anyone have any thoughts on this one?

4)  Find the unique dance steps that work for your marriage.  This is the second biggest thing that finally brought us to happier ever after.  (First was beginning a relationship with Jesus.)  I just knew what I wanted my marriage to look like.  I wanted that Leave it to Beaver home where mom cleaned the house, cooked, handled everything with a smile on her face while dad came home from his 9 to 5 job and doted on his wife, his kids etc.  Reality is I hate wearing heels, have no idea how to wear nice clothes and scrub the bathroom, couldn't cook a lick when I got married and 9 to 5 has NEVER been my hubby's work hours.  So I tried to model our marriage off of the marriages of people I knew.  That didn't work either.  We had to figure out what our marriage was supposed to look like and go from there.  Once I quit trying to have everyone else's marriage and started focusing on mine things started falling into place.

5).  Recognize when you need dancing lessons from a pro.  Every marriage has problems at times.  Sometimes you get so wrapped up in what is wrong you can't see what is good.  Or you get stuck on what hurts you that you can't see what you are doing that hurts them.  There is no shame in asking for help.

When I stopped trying to be the one in control and started recognizing God's plan for my marriage and following it I began having the marriage I had dreamed of.  We still have our ups and downs, and I still forget to Let it Go sometimes, but that is where grace comes in.

Until next time,

Lettin' it Go week 1

You may have read my review of Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman that I posted last week here.  Melissa Taylor is leading an online Bible study with this book that over 8,000 people are doing!  Wow!  Well guess what....I am one of them!  That means you get to hear all about what I am learning/doing during the study every week for the next several weeks.  Ready for the first one?

In the book Karen makes a comparison between Ma Ingalls of Little House on the Prairie fame and Jane Jetson (you know....the gal with a dog named Astro!).  I loved it!  I have often wished I lived back in Ma Ingalls days.  Life was so much simpler and easier....ahhhh....those were the days...

Then my hubby and I were talking about it and now I am not so sure.  Ma Ingalls may not have had to chose between 30 different kinds/brands of peanut butter when she went to the store, but all the girls in the house wore dresses from the same bolt of fabric cuz there wasn't a lot to choose from.  She may not have been competing with the gals on the cover of Vogue for her husband's eye, but she sure was busy handwashing all the clothes and the dishes and scrubbing the floors by hand.  (Probably made for some not so soft hands!)  Ma Ingalls life may have had fewer areas to control, but I think I am content with my vacuum cleaner, dishwasher, and dress styles.

And don't think she didn't have issues with control too.  After all she was the one who decided which bolt of fabric came into the house, whether the meat Pa brought home got roasted, stewed or fried, and I can just see her telling Pa all about the dining room table needing to be sanded down because Sally who was visiting commented on how hers was smooth (we women sure are catty aren't we?).  As Karen said in chapter 1, we women seem to be wired to control.  That is true whether you lived next door to Ma Ingalls or Jane Jetson and it is true where you are living now.

I don't think I need to teleport back to the old days, I just need to focus on deliberate simplification, choosing what is important and letting go of the rest.  One of the things I had to let go of was some of the organizations that I worked with.  I have always liked trying new things, and the opportunities that had been extended to me to review homeschool materials, foods, and lots more were becoming overwhelming.  So I prayed and let go of the ones that were becoming to distracting, to much work and not enough reward, that were causing me to stress over deadlines.  So I let them go....deliberate simplification.

Recently I also had to weed through my reading choices.  I am a BIG reader (which is why I have created Sunflowers at Home's Book Review 4 U 2) and my reading had been very eclectic.  A while back though I felt God telling me that that was an area I needed to examine in relation to my walk with Him.  As Karen said on pg. 42, "Our mission is...obey God.  Love and serve others.  And do it with a smile so that the watching world will want to know more about the God we faithfully serve as we glorify him with our choices".  Some of my reading/entertainment choices weren't glorifying Him, they weren't helping me to grow closer to Him, they were pulling me back into a worldly life.  Not don't get me wrong.  I am not condemning secular reading.  There are some really great authors out there that don't write in the Christian genre.  I just know that for me, reading them wasn't a good thing, so I let them go.

Another choice that I made was to only listen to Christian music.  Again I found that secular music was drawing me back to the life I lived before I met Jesus and I didn't want that.  The good news is that Christian music isn't just gospel (not that there is anything wrong with gospel, but for this gal who grew up listening to hair bands of the 80's it just wasn't getting it!) anymore.  I find myself listening to Christian rock, my son listens to Christian hard rock/metal bands as well as Christian rap.  My daughters fall in between.  We have found that it helps us to keep our hearts on Jesus, helps us to hide His word in our hearts and generally keeps us smiling.

Now, I still have a lot of winnowing to do and a lot of letting go to do.  So far we are just talking about controlling things.  I am pretty comfortable letting go of that for the most part....before long we are getting into running (controlling) the home....uh ohhhh!


Until next time,


It's not to late to join over 8,000 women who are studying Let. It. Go.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith online with Melissa Taylor.  It is free to join and all you need is the book.  Zondervan is even offering portions of the DVD study to the participants free of charge!  Click here for more information and to sign up.